I can’t believe you fucked her. Ok so y’all were living together and it was bound to happen, but damn son. Was it that deep that you couldn’t wait? And was it that good that you couldn’t leave? You gave her how many years of your life? When the dust from your eyes finally cleared you left, and took your damaged heart with you.
I can’t believe you kissed her. Y’all weren’t even dating! Is it so easy for your heart to get entangled with someone else’s? If that’s the case, why haven’t you fallen in love with me yet? Because I’m Black? Dark but lovely? Well fuck you and your prejudice then.
I can’t believe you kissed her. Y’all don’t even know each other like that. Y’all weren’t even dating that long for you to kiss her. You’re acting like those worldly niggas bro. I thought you were better than that. Ok, she’s pretty, but looks aren’t everything. I thought you would know that by now.
Bae, I can’t believe how blind you are. After all I’ve done for you, all the time, emotional energy, money and concern I’ve spent on you, you’re still confused about whether or not we should be together. Since when was it ever so complicated? If you find someone attractive, and that person is down for you, then date them. It’s just that simple. How dumb can you be? What did any of those other chicks do for you anyway? Besides incite lust and play games with your heart?
I’m sorry, but all this shit doesn’t make sense to me. Yeah you’re wounded, yeah these girls have you fucked up… but COME ON! I’m the real deal. Like the real real deal. When have I ever done anything to hurt you? When have I ever made you feel like anything less than a man? When have I ever played games with your heart? Why are you so afraid to be with me? Why do you look to the future for happiness, when happiness is right in front of you, staring you in the face?
I’ve been down for you from the jump. Always ready to encourage you and invest in you. Even when you treated me like shit, and didn’t give me the time of day, I was there. I’m pretty sure I would do anything for you. Follow you to the ends of the earth. To the most remote places in the world. Anything to be with you. That’s how so far gone I am. So fucking far gone.
I never thought I would fall in love with someone like this. I would hear about it, laugh and shake my head at people, silently judging them and all their misdeeds in the name of “love”. And yet here I am, in the same position.
Why the fuck am I still here? Why do I even care about you anyway? I blame Ultimate Bae.
Dear Ultimate Bae,
Sometimes I really don’t like You. In fact if I’m being honest, sometimes I feel like I hate You, because I feel like You’re playing a sick, cosmic joke with my heart. I feel like You ask me to do things, I do them, and I reap nothing but suffering at the end of the day. Why on earth would you tell me to love someone so broken and fucked up, knowing how this would go?
Why did You give me dreams about him? Why did You give my friends dreams about him? When I was ready to give up completely, why would You allow him to come my way, whispering words of hope and kindness to my weary, love-sick soul.
I am so fucking tired of doing things Your way. I feel like Your way has led to more pain and suffering than I could have ever imagined. But God what’s the alternative? Live for myself? Gain the whole world and lose my soul? Date around, sleep around and catch a disease? Get pregnant? Lose all my self-worth and value? No thanks. I’m good.
But damn God. Do You really need to put me through the ringer though? What on earth did I ever do to deserve such torment? Why can’t You just make things easy for me?
Just let me have my happiness. Let me live God. Let me live.