Posted in Prayers

Prayers from Heartsick Saints: Psalms Edition

God where the hell are you? Why are you taking so long to answer me in my time of need? I’m in deep shit. See all the fuckery around me. My enemies are rejoicing. It feels like all the weapons formed against me are prospering. (Inspired by Psalm 69:17-18)

God everywhere I look I see trouble and fuckery. My issues, failure and mistakes are more than I can count. I have no idea how I’m going to get out of this mess. I’ve lost all motivation and strength to continue. God help me. Come quickly and help me. (Inspired by Psalm 40:12-13)

God You are my only safe place. You are my strength when I have no strength. You’re always ready to help me when I’m in trouble. Even though my life is in complete shambles and I have no idea how I will survive, I won’t worry or be afraid. Those are wasted emotions anyway. But seriously, can You do something though???? (Inspired by Psalm 46:1-2).

God I’m sorry but I don’t really see Your unfailing love. I know You don’t quit on me, but I don’t feel like You love me, because if You did love me then….

  1. I wouldn’t be stuck in a stupid, dead-end job that I hate
  2. I wouldn’t have been suspended from my current job
  3. I wouldn’t have been fired from my other job
  4. I wouldn’t be stuck six figures in debt… You own the cattle on a thousand hills and couldn’t spare $100K for me to go to school AND YET YOU DID IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE! People who didn’t have to hustle hard for shit. They just batted an eyelash and money came their way.
    1. Matter of fact…. I have to fight for everything I’ve got. Favor? What is that God? What is favor? Something I DO NOT HAVE. “Oh you’re blessed and highly favored”. I’ll take what you’re smoking because when I look at my life, I don’t see favor. I see 1,001 ways that life has gone wrong. I see screw-ups, fuck-ups and blow-ups. And when I look to the left and to the right, it seems like no one is struggling as much as I am. Ok, I’m not homeless. I have air to breathe. I’m not in the hospital. BUT I AM TIRED OF BEING GRATEFUL FOR THE MOST BASIC OF NEEDS. I thought I was supposed to be living an abundant life. Since when did having a roof over my head, being able to breathe and being healthy equate to that? Someone please help me understand. God do You keep your promises or not?
  5. I wouldn’t be teaching stupid Biology. Everyone hates Biology. Why did You want me to teach Biology so badly? Why didn’t I get picked to teach something else?
  6. I wouldn’t be suffering for this long. I get that life is not without suffering, but why has it really been several years since I’ve been dealing with the same shit. While others are progressing. I thought I was Your favorite. Is this how you treat Your favorites?

But what the fuck do I know about love anyway. I’m not God. I’m just a bitter young twenty-something trying to figure out how to make life suck less.

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