Posted in So Over.....

Sometimes I Just Want To…….

….curse somebody out.

….flip someone off.

….curse God and die.

 

I woke up this morning and found out that the school I work for docked my pay by $429.60. That is an ENTIRE car payment AND gas money.

I was soooooooo angry. I cried as quietly as I could, given that I have roommates.

I read scripture. I journaled.

I’m trying to understand. But there is nothing to understand. This is my life.

I need every single dollar that comes my way. And yet now I will be several hundred dollars short. I hate this place so much.

I’m also really angry at God. He just keeps letting shit happen. For what reason? What is Your purpose God? Didn’t Your word say “After you have suffered a little while the God of all comfort will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you?”

THIS IS MORE THAN A LITTLE WHILE! This is day after day. Week after week. Month after month. FOR YEARS! FOR YEARS I have struggled to deal with the reality that is my shitty life. Not once have I felt like a success, in any area! No goals have been met. None. This year I decided to throw all my goals away and “follow You”…..and this is where I ended up.

I don’t understand You God. I don’t know why You’re doing this to me…. or at the very least letting it happen. I don’t know how any of this could be love. I really don’t. But I’m here.

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