Hey y’all! Thought I would never blog on this blog again. As Justin Bieber said, “No I will never say never!” I’m not a belieber, but there’s wisdom in those words. Be open to flexibility.
I’m here to declare again what I’m over, given the theme of this blog. I think there’s something powerful in declaring what you’re willing to let go. So that’s why I’m here.
I had a falling out/squabble (I still don’t know exactly what the fuck happened honestly…I know what I did, but that’s about it) with my best friend. I don’t think our friendship is in danger. I don’t think either of us is foolish or stupid enough to throw away 11 years of friendship. I’ll speak for myself, though, and say I wouldn’t do such a thing.
And yet we currently aren’t speaking to each other.
For me, I stopped speaking to her out of annoyance. I shared why I was upset and I didn’t get a response. I’m not sure why she isn’t speaking to me.
I’m not annoyed anymore. Hurt, absolutely. But not annoyed.
Silence is not worth me expending ridiculous amounts of emotional energy over.
There was a time when I would lose sleep over her not talking to me. I would dream about her, I would have trouble breathing, I would be overwhelmed by anxiety. I told her this before. I told her how conflict affected me and how it was important for me to process and resolve relational conflict speedily. She didn’t care. At all. She explained that she needed to sit in her feelings until she was over it, regardless of how that made me feel, and regardless of how long it took. No matter how stupid and unbiblical I think that is, I have to respect that. #boundaries
Here we are again, not speaking. I had a dream about her, woke up, and got ready for the day. Currently in a session with a kid, who’s working on some math.
Life goes on.
I can’t force someone to change. I can only change how I react to events.
I’ve come to realize that I’m so over investing all this energy into being angry at someone no matter how justified that anger may be. People will be people. My best friend will be my best friend. I can’t change her. So why bother being angry?
If someone violates my trust, I can choose not to trust them.
If someone does something that hurts my feelings, I can choose to address that. If they chooses not to respond, I can change my expectations of them. I can choose to limit my interactions with them. I can choose not to let their silence bother me or take up my emotional energy and time. I can live my life.
To live a life fettered with care, resentment and bitterness is one of the worst punishments a person can subject herself to.
I’m so over allowing bitterness and resentment to consume me.
I’m so over dumb squabbles and petty arguments.
I’m so over harboring negative emotional energy on stupid shit.