The One That Got Away, But Was Never Mine To Begin With

I remember when I first laid eyes on you.

I thought you had a peanut shaped head. Alien like. But you were cute.

I was shy. And obsessed with a friend of yours.

You were into a friend of mine. You liked her breasts. I didn’t have any yet. Damn it puberty. Now I have more than I know what to do with #bigboobproblems #latebloomer

The years went on, and you grew handsomer and handsomer, but we grew farther and farther apart.

You seemed too cool for me. Not my type. And yet my heart…. held this strange attraction to you… stranger than fiction.

I remember when you came over my house with your mom. I was sweating bullets… so nervous because you were so fine and I was so not….

Naija boy. Same tribe. Tall. Chocolate. Piercing eyes. Handsome. Delicious. Not mine.

Years later my mom revealed to me that your mom had come to her with a proposition. She wanted us to get married.

*record screech*

SAY WHAT NOW? Married? Why? How? Oh you’re dating someone. Oh y’all have been dating for a while? Oh you have a baby on the way??!? #rumorhasit

*resume music*

I saw your IG. You’ve been with the girl for a few years. She’s my year, possibly my age. She’s certainly not prettier than me. She cute though. No baby in sight. I think they lied to me.

And yet there you are.

Thoughts pass through my mind, memories of an alternate timeline. Different choices, different lives…. mountains of what ifs…. what if we were together? What if you were mine? What if you gave me the time of day? What if we met up and talked? What if we worked things out? What if what if what if?

And yet we’re not. And I have to be ok with that. I can’t waste any more time on the counterfactuals.

We chose our paths, we chose our lives. We made our beds and we lied in them.

You’re living your life. I’m living mine. We breathin’, we chillin’ we makin’ that guap. I’m hustling and grinding, don’t know when I’ll stop.

Even though you were never mine to begin with. I’m letting you go. I’m letting go of the what ifs, could haves, maybes and why nots. They don’t matter in this timeline, in this reality.

In this reality, I am single. I’m alone but I’m not lonely.

In this reality, I am not where I want to be, but I’m not where I used to be, and I’ll make damn sure that I don’t stay where I’m at.

In this reality, the best is yet to come. Bae gon’ find me, and when he does I’ll be chasing my dreams.

You weren’t the best I could do. You aren’t something to pine after or miss or regret. You are of my past, and you are best left there.

Goodbye.

 

 

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