Sometimes I’m gripped by fear of the past. I’m afraid that my past will find it’s way to rear its ugly head into my bright and shiny, beautiful and glorious future.
As you my faithful readers know, I was unjustly fired from two teaching positions. The second one I can say was filled with absolute animosity and spite….
I can’t say that I was 100% blameless in either of the two positions, I’m sure there were things I could have done better, but at the same time I certainly did not hold 100% of the blame.
When I think about the ways in which I would like to live my life…. when I think about all the awesome things I want to achieve and the billions of lives I want to change, I think back to my past and I am haunted by the endless questions:
- What if they discredit me?
- What if they speak ill against me?
- What if they use my past performance against me?
- What if they sabotage me?
- What if they lie about me?
I know it’s so dumb to live in fear, but I’d be lying if I said these things didn’t keep me up at night sometimes.
I want to leave the past in the past where it belongs… but in today’s world, where everyone is looking for a piece of the pie and people will intentionally throw people under the bus to get there, I can’t help but wonder if my past employers will try to ruin my life, all because they’re wicked miserable people who couldn’t see the value I brought to the company, and were angry because I called them out on their shit.
I don’t know. But I’m praying for them. And myself.
I’m not the first one to be fired from a job…. I’m really not. I won’t be the last. I have nothing to fear. God’s got me.
I’m moving on.