Posted in Emotions, Heart's Desires, Prayers

Rededicating My Life

So I rededicated my life back to God this morning.

It was a combination of factors:

  1. Weariness of being angry and bitter with Him
  2. Weariness of my confusion concerning my life’s purpose
  3. Listening to Jonathan McReynold’s performances, reading his blogs and scrolling through his Instagram (check out No Gray)
  4. Reading through parts of Without Rival by Lisa Bevere
  5. Reading scripture
  6. A deep desire for more
  7. Holy Spirit’s conviction
  8. Him drawing me back to Himself

 

My life is not my own, for it was bought with a price. What does it profit me if I gain the whole world but lose my soul? I want to receive the Crown of Life He promised me.

I don’t want to live my life in vain.

I don’t want to pursue a JD/MBA/MPP/PhD in vain.

I don’t want to pursue financial independence and debt freedom in vain.

I don’t want to be so focused pursuing my goals that I lose sight of the most important thing: JESUS.

I lost my way. Like a prodigal daughter I turned my heart away from my Father. In anger, in my distorted view, I focused on my passions, my lusts and my desires until they sickened me, until there was no more pleasure to be derived from them.

I’m literally at a point where I cannot continue as I have been. There’s no reason to continue living this way.

I need Him.

I’m tired of being angry.

I’m tired of crying bitter tears.

I’m tired of trying to live without Him.

I’m tired of striving.

Matthew 6:33, 1 Corinthians 2:9 and Ephesians 3:20 are 3 of my life scriptures, and they go hand in hand.

Matthew 6:33 – Seek first the kingdom of God and all righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

1 Corinthians 2:9 – Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.

Ephesians 3:20 – Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask, think or imagine……

Somewhere in the depths of my depression, I forgot the truth.

Now that I’ve made the decision to rededicate. I need to maintain my commitment. I’m going on a detox (spirit, soul and body).

As I feel led, I’ll share what I learn along the way.

Blessings to y’all. And as always, I promise to keep it very real.

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