So I rededicated my life back to God this morning.
It was a combination of factors:
- Weariness of being angry and bitter with Him
- Weariness of my confusion concerning my life’s purpose
- Listening to Jonathan McReynold’s performances, reading his blogs and scrolling through his Instagram (check out No Gray)
- Reading through parts of Without Rival by Lisa Bevere
- Reading scripture
- A deep desire for more
- Holy Spirit’s conviction
- Him drawing me back to Himself
My life is not my own, for it was bought with a price. What does it profit me if I gain the whole world but lose my soul? I want to receive the Crown of Life He promised me.
I don’t want to live my life in vain.
I don’t want to pursue a JD/MBA/MPP/PhD in vain.
I don’t want to pursue financial independence and debt freedom in vain.
I don’t want to be so focused pursuing my goals that I lose sight of the most important thing: JESUS.
I lost my way. Like a prodigal daughter I turned my heart away from my Father. In anger, in my distorted view, I focused on my passions, my lusts and my desires until they sickened me, until there was no more pleasure to be derived from them.
I’m literally at a point where I cannot continue as I have been. There’s no reason to continue living this way.
I need Him.
I’m tired of being angry.
I’m tired of crying bitter tears.
I’m tired of trying to live without Him.
I’m tired of striving.
Matthew 6:33, 1 Corinthians 2:9 and Ephesians 3:20 are 3 of my life scriptures, and they go hand in hand.
Matthew 6:33 – Seek first the kingdom of God and all righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
1 Corinthians 2:9 – Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.
Ephesians 3:20 – Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask, think or imagine……
Somewhere in the depths of my depression, I forgot the truth.
Now that I’ve made the decision to rededicate. I need to maintain my commitment. I’m going on a detox (spirit, soul and body).
As I feel led, I’ll share what I learn along the way.
Blessings to y’all. And as always, I promise to keep it very real.