I promised I would keep it real, even if being real means I’m petty.
When it was just me and one other roomie, everything was groovy. Sure she was annoying and drained me of energy but we were still cool though!!!!!
When I got more roomies, shit happened…. cliques were formed and I found myself on the outside looking in.
This rejection took root in my heart soon after we signed the lease and it’s still there today
And because of the pain in my heart, every action my roommates take is seen through a lens of suspicion, pain and mistrust…
I don’t trust them. I expect the worst of them.
Something as silly as Instagram likes or lack thereof can set me off. Prime example:
One of my roommates (we’ll call her Artemis), the one I lived with first, has started liking all of the other pics of the other roommate (Gift)…. while she barely likes any of my own pictures…. no idea why…..
Mind you, Gift doesn’t have the history that Artemis and I have. So why is Artemis being so “joe” as they say in the city I live in? Why is she being so extra? Why is she making it a point to like all of Gift’s IG pics while ignoring my own? I’ll also state that Gift does the exact same thing. She’ll like all of Artemis’ pics and studiously ignore my own. So how did this strange dynamic start?
Let me break it down. It starts kinda like this….
Artemis and I did TFA together and have lived together for 3 years. I’ve been with Artemis through some serious shit, and she’s been there for me.
Gift and I were friends before she and Artemis were friends.
But then we all decided to move together with a 4th roommate called Asparagus. Asparagus and I met before Artemis and I met and before Gift and I met. Asparagus and I developed our friendship concurrently with my relationship with Artemis…
I stopped trusting Asparagus, however, after she started actively pursuing a young man that she knew I liked (I pretty much told her I liked him… I say pretty much because I was talking to Artemis and Asparagus listened intently to the conversation even though she wasn’t invited to participate). So I stopped trusting her… and yet she became 4th roommate, because we were desperate.
It was then when we all moved together that hella cliques were formed. Asparagus, Artemis and Gift started doing stuff without me, and it made me really, really angry, given I already have emotional crap that I’m trying to work on (insecurities and nonsense like that). A lot more shit went down but I’m already tired of recapping. It’s been a shitty year living with these ladies… sorry to say. They’re not evil. They have good hearts. They’re kind and sweet. They’ve just done stupid things… out of jealousy…and other human emotions.
In any case. But Asparagus moved back to Idaho earlier in the year. Praise the Lord.
But Artemis and Gift remained… and I was forced to deal with that dynamic. It’s like I wasn’t the common thread anymore, and I found myself constantly edged out and constantly excluded.
That’s part of the reason why I’m moving out… not a major reason but definitely part of it. I don’t want to be somewhere I don’t feel comfortable, celebrated and wanted. I don’t like dealing with petty shit, namely jealousy, catty emotions and other foolish things.
I’m just tired of dealing with cattiness. This is why I don’t do friendships for real. This is why I can’t do #squads… this is why I hate #cliques… this is why I only deal with friends one person at a time…
Can’t wait to get out of here. I really should unfollow and unfriend all of them… Or maybe I can find a way to hide them from my feed? Idk. I just want to put all of this behind me.