Dear Millenials Living At Home,
I love you guys. I am one of you.
For the longest time, I struggled with the secret shame of living at home after 7 long years away (undergrad + grad school + work), developing my independence as an adult.
For those who have been following my blog from the beginning, you’ll know that I abruptly ended my 3 year stay in a gritty city that shall remain nameless due to being fired from my job. I did everything I could to not come back home because I was so afraid of losing the life I loved.
I found myself at home, drowning in a pool of self-loathing, despair and anxiety, masked by false pride, false joy, and false confidence.
As the months passed (It’s been like 7 months), and I found myself slipping into the very old dynamics I tried so hard to stay away from, anxiety and frustration began to take over. I felt a hopelessness, and a sense of desperation. I needed to move out! I needed to get away from home.
I told myself: I won’t ever be able to fully be myself until I leave home.
With this lie has come other seriously flawed beliefs:
I can’t fast (y’all know I now love fasting), be vegan (y’all didn’t know this but I love veganism too), or actually enjoy my life if I’m living at home.
I can’t have fun adventures, or be free or do me while I’m at home.
I can’t just be and live life while I’m at home.
Upon spending some time to talk with God and upon meditating and reflecting on my life, I’ve come to realize just how much I have been holding myself back from living my fullest life for the past 7 months.
I took my living at home as a death sentence, and made my mom, dad and siblings my oppressors.
I came to believe that if I ever where to find the freedom I so desperately wanted, it would be ANYWHERE BUT HERE.
But the truth is this: freedom exists not within a location, but in a Person.
That person is Jesus Christ.
When I completely entrust my life to Him, and yield to His perfect will for me…. I AM FREE.
When I do NOT rush what He is doing in me, and allow Him to take His time to perfect me… I AM FREE.
When I do the hard work of living my most authentic life at home, pushing past the dynamics that once enslaved me in my past…. I AM FREE.
When I stop blaming my family, and stop taking on a victim mentality, when I stop blaming others and making excuses for why I can’t live the life I want to live now… I AM FREE.
When I make choices each day to get closer to the person I want to be….. I AM FREE.
When I stop fantasizing about how perfect my life could be if I were anywhere but here, instead of mortgaging my present for an uncertain future…. I AM FREE.
And true freedom is what Christ died for me to have.
True freedom is why He resurrected…so I could live.
He wants me to live my best life RIGHT NOW. Not just in the future.
Some of my millenial friends at home might say:
Well you’ve been away for some time, you’ve tasted the freedom. I have never left home, so shut up and let me dream.
To that I reply, you didn’t actually read and comprehend this post. But that’s ok! You are totally allowed to dream. In fact, you can do whatever you want. But I reckon that you are probably missing out on living your best life because you are putting your happiness on hold. You are waiting to be somewhere else before you can live your best life. I think you need to ask your Freedom Director about that. Are you living the way He wants you to live? I highly doubt it. But that’s between you and God.
Other millenial friends at home might say:
No, you really don’t understand. I cannot be myself at home. My parents are crazy controlling and obsessive.
To that I reply, I don’t know your home life and your situation so I can’t really speak into that, but I will say this. If you are a child of God, and if you love Him, then you either believe His word or you don’t. You either believe He is who He says He is or you don’t. You either believe that every part of your journey, mistakes and all are working out in your favor or YOU DON’T. You being at home right now is not a mistake. It’s not a flaw. God is doing a MIRACLE in you and in your house right now if you would just believe!
However, if being at home is taking a toll on your mental health, please seek professional help and work with your Freedom Director to craft some strategies to help you in the midst of your situation. As bad as your situation is or may be….. no situation is too hard for the Lord.
My millenial friends….
I believe God has me at home for a reason and for a season.
I wanted to rush away from home and be done living here by any means necessary so I could live my best life.
I see now how wrong I was and have purposed in my heart to live my best life now.
I will be a blessing to my parents, my siblings and myself during this time.
I will seek the Lord like never before.
I will do the things I thought were impossible to do while living at home (fasting, being vegan, having adventures) and I will do it with my best friend in life: Jesus Christ, because He led me here and the bible promises:
HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK IN YOU WILL BE FAITHFUL TO COMPLETE IT (Phil 1:6).
Life doesn’t end when you move back home or decide to remain home, unless you let it.
I get it. It’s hard. It takes time. It takes work. And parents don’t make it easy. When you come back home to live, there are expectations. There are feelings of constraints. There are unspoken rules and regulations…and sometimes they are verbalized. There are annoyances and irritants that seem unbearable. There are days where you just want to quit everything and head to the nearest homeless shelter or anywhere but be at home. I get it. But even in the midst of all that…..
I encourage you to lean into what God is doing and saying and to stop putting your life on hold.
When the time has finally come for you to move out, you won’t feel like you’ve missed a step.
You won’t feel like you’ve wasted any time.
Save all the money that you can.
Enrich the lives of your loved ones.
Learn from your mistakes. Fail. Change. Grow.
Millenials living at home, this is a challenge for you to RENEW YOUR MIND and stop wasting your precious time.
If you can make it at home, as a millenial, with strict/overbearing/controlling/annoying/overloving parents:
YOU CAN AND WILL MAKE IT ANYWHERE.
Freedom exists not within a location, but within a Person. That Person is Jesus.
Freedom is not a place, but a state of mind. What’s your state of mind?