Hi WP Family!
I really appreciate those of you who have decided me to follow me recently. I have no idea why or what I’ve written that has compelled you thus, but I am happy that you’re with me in this journey and I appreciate y’all.
So…………I had an encounter and I have to get it off my mind and off my chest.
There’s this guy I’ve been talking to. And no. Not “talking to”…whatever the heck that means. I mean talking to like I talk to human beings. We talk, randomly and just chat about life and what’s up.
Anyway, turns out this guy is in town and he remembered that I live in the town (well city) he’s visiting.
Guy Facetimes me. If y’all don’t know how I feel about random calls and Facetimes….let me give you a hint: (I’m an introvert).
For a split second I think to myself “OH MY GOSH THIS IS SO UNEXPECTED. I DO NOT HAVE MAKEUP ON!” And then I immediately dismiss that thought because it’s like “this is my bro. We’re cool. Please. I’m not even attracted to this guy like that.”
I answer the call without makeup and we start talking.
He seems happy to see me…I guess.
He likes my smile (he doesn’t say it, but he comments on it)….I guess.
He asked me what my zodiac sign was (le sigh…why?)
I ridiculed zodiac signs and he said he was asking because we both seem very much alike…really though….?
I made him laugh…more than once….
He asked me what I do for fun and I was honest….
I read….and just chill. I write music and play guitar….. I don’t like parties because I don’t like being in overstimulating environments where I don’t have the opportunity to get to know ppl in a meaningful way. If all we’re going to be doing is grinding and pumping fists and I’m supposed to pretend that I like you and I like what we’re doing…miss me with that. I’d rather be home in bed curled up with a book. The only exceptions I make are Nigerian parties because those are too lit and I’m Nigerian so I grew up going to Nigerian parties…that’s just my life.
Turns out he was going to a party….I think he wanted to ask me to go with him….
He asked me what I was doing on a Saturday night and where my brothers were….
I told him… I am helping a friend with something…
I asked him what he was doing on a Saturday night…he said he was going to a party…
I asked him when he was leaving with his friends… he said a little before 12.
I said I would be sleeping. Dang. I sound like a FREAKING GRANDMA.
We talked and chatted like we normally do.
We joked around like we normally do.
SO WHY ON EARTH did I feel so insecure when I got off the phone?
I immediately thought the following:
“Oh God, what if he thinks I’m ugly without makeup on?”
“He said he was going to reach out next time he was in town. What if he doesn’t reach out because he thinks I’m ugly? What if he thinks I catfished him? He’s talked about how beautiful I am before..but I had makeup on..”
“What if he thinks I’m a loser because I told him I don’t like parties?”
“Was I too eager on the phone? Did I smile too much? Was I awkward?”
Wait hold on….. I’m not even physically attracted to this guy. I don’t see myself being in any type of relationship with him.
WHY DO I EVEN CARE IF HE THINKS I AM UGLY WITH OUR WITHOUT MAKEUP?!?!
WHY DO I EVEN CARE IF HE THINKS I AM A LOSER BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE PARTIES AND I DO NOT LIKE STAYING UP LATE?
Friends…. learn from my own foolishness:
Live your life.
Don’t waste your time, mindshare and energy on men you don’t see a future with.
Like come on. Life is too short and I literally just spent an hour obsessing and overanalyzing petty, foolish BS.
I am beautiful. With or without makeup.
Don’t dare cheapen my smile by using megawatts to measure it.
My smile is that good stuff that shoots an arrow through your heart…that stuff that gives you butterflies in your stomach.
My smiles make a man say, “Wow, who is this girl and how can I make her smile like that again?”
My warmth penetrates a man’s heart and makes him want to come closer to me, emotionally and physically.
I have a wonderful and inviting personality and any man would be blessed to be with me.
Women, this is how you need to talk to yourselves. It’s not delusion. It’s truth. You are amazing and there is a man out there looking for someone exactly like you right now. If you are not your biggest fan, how can you expect any man to treat you like the queen that you claim to be?
If you don’t love yourself and believe the very best about yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?