I joked with a friend after complaining about another friend (yeah I’m that friend) and asked:
“Why am I so evil?”
I don’t know why I asked. I know I’m not evil. I know what I am.
I’m tired of being here.
And I’m tired of being reminded that I’m still in the same place, while other people are moving forward.
So I’d rather not see anyone progress. Not that I want them to fail. I just don’t want to “see” anyone else moving forward. I don’t want to “see” anyone period. That’s honestly what it comes down to. I want to be alone.
I want to hide myself in a cocoon and focus on myself until I’m healthy enough to enjoy where I am in the process and also celebrate where other people are along their journeys without feeling like an absolute failure in life and without getting super angry at God.
As part of this journey to authenticity, I’ve begun phasing out social media. I deactivated my Instagram.
I also blocked Instagram and Facebook off of my phone.
Next I will be deactivating my Facebook.
I’ve lost my way. I used to be a cheerleader for people’s dreams. And now bitterness, frustration, comparison and disappointment have made me a hater. And I’m not a hater.
So because I’ve lost my way, I need to do what it takes to find it again.
Because I wasn’t born to hate. I was born to shine.