Still kinda mad about the whole dick-sucking thing…. if you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, read my previous post here.
All my life I’ve struggled with low self-esteem.
I was never pretty enough.
Never smart enough.
Never thin enough.
Never Christian enough.
Never rich enough.
Never “white” enough (but I’m Nigerian… how the fuck does that work. Post on that later).
Never “black” enough.
Never Nigerian enough.
Never strong enough.
Never creative enough.
Never kind enough.
Never cool enough.
Never enough period.
Low self-esteem caused me to waste my time and energy on half-assed friendships with guys that went nowhere. They were all give (on my end), and all take (on their end).
Low self-esteem caused me to rip up incredible works of fiction that would have made millions if I had just believed in myself (when I was 13 and in the 8th grade, I predicted that we would have a racist white President. I was right. But I destroyed the evidence. Fuck).
Low self-esteem caused me to waste thousands of hours of my life crying, medicating my pain through food, television, internet scrolling, porn and other worthless things, instead of investing in myself.
Low self-esteem caused me to develop negative thought patterns that I am now working so hard to change (neuroplasticity is real guys! You can literally change your brain with the thoughts you think!)
Low self-esteem caused me to self-sabotage, to fuck up opportunities, all because I didn’t think I deserved anything good.
Low self-esteem wrecked a good 24 years of my life. Now I’m 25. I don’t intend to waste any more of my life at the altar of low self-esteem. Fuck that!
I’m so over low self-esteem and all the dangers it can create. No more excuses. Low self-esteem is a sorry excuse for sorry behaviors. And I don’t have any more time for sorry behaviors. I have a life to live and a world to change.
It’s time to embrace my worth. I am because He says I am. I am worthy, I am desirable and I am enough.
I’m kicking low self-esteem to the curb, and I invite y’all to hold me accountable.